Never Say ‘Never’
All it takes to achieve the impossible is determination and a positive attitude.
Here ends this week’s dose of expert advice, brought to you by the proud survivor of Script Frenzy 2010. That’s right, with four short hours to spare, I crossed the finish line and got to sleep early. 
There are still several scenes that need to be added before revisions start, but I’m taking a [short] vacation from PRODIGY to get back to a few projects that were placed on hold for April. The end result is a proud one, though, because this story has found its rightful place in Script after several failed attempts to write it as both Novel and Short Story. It really is more of a visual story anyway, and the musical elements make it a better match where aural elements can be expressed.
Confession: Screnzy was a stressful and difficult pursuit. The beautiful weather made me choose my Bantam bicycle loop over sitting inside in front of a computer. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. Sunny skies just always trump rotting inside. The problem is when said decisions hinder the progress of a writer.
It did cross my mind to give up on the venture, fail to achieve a goal set as a way to keep myself out of Lazy-ville and make sure I write every day, as a writer should. Anyhoot, only crazy people attempt to write a 100-page script in 30 days! …though that makes stronger the argument to quit; a way to prove my sanity? 
Nah. I enjoy the crazy life too much! Bettina‘s influence and nagging reminded me of my desire to delve further into screenwriting. She also reminded me several times that failing Screnzy after two consecutive NaNo wins was absolutely unacceptable. Once you raise the stakes and succeed, it’s very difficult to take a step back, even temporarily.
But that’s what gives me the motivational push to continue and exceed what I’ve already achieved. Each step is a lesson. A reminder that it is possible to balance life with my source of oxygen (i.e. writing). It’s a reminder we all need when faced with the stress life delivers while attempting a career as a writer.
Next challenge: surviving Screnzy withdrawal. It’s as strong and demanding as NaNo withdrawal, but I’m sure I can channel it into Weekend Funeral and these poem tweaks.
Crash/Burn…And All That Jazz
Avoid cliches like the plague.
Those who construct language (aka writers such as myself) heed this warning well. After all, cliches are unoriginal. Overused. Exaggerated at times. There are occasions, however, when I agree with Mrs. Who that quoting the wisdom of others is the best way to express something otherwise “too difficult to verbalise” myself.
The weekend presented me with many rejections. Opportunities that I’ve patiently waited weeks to hear back from, only to crash-and-burn when follow-up conversations brought sour news. Why do I continuously set myself up for such disappointment? I’ve grown used to the concept over my life (it’s been my middle name for so long). Why not accept failure now while hope has been kicked to the ground? Take the “easy street” and accept as my home the pathetic pit whence there’s no escape.
Perseverence. Indomitability. Big words to describe a simple state of stubbornness. The inability to give up because allowing failure to define the self contradicts the personality lingering inside. I like to see it as martial arts invading my life, enriching it by dissuading defeat.
Regardless of the determination that’s developed in me over the years, I can’t help but cave to momentary bouts of discouragement from this Dense Fog. Many people offer kind words. Few actually add fuel to the fire (unintentional cliche usage). Neither aids my emotions during these times, which often reflects poorly on my attitude, pulling me deeper into the shadows.
Thankfully the years have also taught me how to rise up from the flames. Several methods cause that brief loss of hope to drain from my blood: quotes from people I admire, sparring/exercise, forcing productivity.
The best way to drag myself out of a slump is to work through that slump. Okay, so I’ve been rejected. I give myself a moment to cry, then tackle the fifteen other applications on my list. I’m still frustrated by the lack of visible progress, but look! the frustration made the pile of others disappear.
I’m behind the rest, but I’m still in the game. Still fighting for survival and waiting for that fight to pay off.
While all manner of quotes continue to lift my spirits, I rely on one specifically these days: “People told me, when I was coming through the ranks, that a mark of a great [actor] is one who deals with the period of unemployment as well as they deal with the period of employment.” (Claudia Black) Wisdomous words! Though they speak of actors, I see it as a reflective statement for all artists, including writers.
Why waste time being negative? There’s always that lapse, that bout of pity that rushes through the veins, but it’s in the act of returning to my feet with my head held high that proves I’m the worthy victor.
Rather than moping around, I choose to take advantage of not having a career (for the moment). Lots of free time and plenty to do. Staying busy keeps me focused on my goals.
Writing is a time-consuming process. If I wish to succeed, I must wake up every day with the intention of getting something accomplished. One word, one sentence, one paragraph. Doesn’t matter as long as it’s something. Writing cover letters for jobs, e-mails to friends, forum messages, status updates. Doesn’t matter, as long as my fingers type and words appear. Brain spins, mind turns.
Exercise. As a martial artist, getting in shape and staying in shape is crucial to performance. It’s also one of my 2010 goals to maintain a healthier lifestyle. I’ve done well so far, especially since ditching my biggest vice.
Occupation. Volunteer-work, internships, part-time jobs. Experience and pocket cash trump pessimism in my opinion. I have goals, I’m just taking baby steps to get to those goals. Until then, I’m learning what I can and saving what I can while doing what I can to speed the process.
She’s No Harvey, But She Keeps Me (in)Sane
The title of this post is an inside joke for ‘Scapers and I’d take far longer than necessary to explain it to anyone else. The point is, my head plays home to several voices. But “Don’t Panic!” because it’s not a symptom of some psychological disorder, simply another factor separating writers from the rest of society. A few weeks ago, my mind (somewhat) randomly decided that my Inner Editor’s name is Bettina. It’s nice that she has a name, though, because now I have a more personal way to yell at her when she interferes with my ability to get work done.
Some of my writer friends and I have discussed on many occasions the voices that exist in our minds. These voices are different from auditory hallucinations, however. They whisper constantly and never go away, but they’re a writer’s connexion to the unconscious mind. The source of inspiration. The bridge between the mundane of our lives and the fantastic realms we dedicate our time to creating for others. These voices are a branch in the imagination tree I mentioned last month.
And they keep me (in)sane.
Without inner voices conversing throughout my days (and my nights–they never go away, remember?), I don’t know how I’d survive more than five minutes. Bettina et. al. entertain me when I’m bored. Through them, every tiny trivial thing that crosses my path has the potential to become something great.
My favourite example of this is the way J.M. Barrie’s mind is shown in Finding Neverland. There’s a scene where Johnny Depp’s character is shown watching the Llewelyn-Davies children jump up-and-down on their beds. As Barrie/Depp observes, the children rise up and fly out the open window. This, of course, is the cinematic version of Barrie’s thought-process, illustrating how he took events from his reality and hyperbolised a way for his characters to get to Neverland. This is always the first scene that comes to mind when I think of the film because it represents the mindset of creative writers with such accuracy.
Back to Bettina et. al.–>the reason for their existence, I believe, is to help writers stay on that bridge between the conscious and unconscious. Which is probably why I can never manage to shut my mind off. You know that whole meditation thing? Yeah, all that does is allow the voices to get louder as they fight for control over who must be heard above the others. In my case, it’s either story ideas that won’t wait for me to finish my current works-in-progress, or a random song selection from the infinite music I’ve heard throughout my life, which is forever stored in the crevices of my brain.
The voices aren’t always the most intelligent, but they provide good company. As long as they stop keeping me awake at night, they’re welcome to stay.
Focus! (and don’t forget to exhale)
My sensei first introduced board-breaking to me at my white-belt graduation ceremony. As if I wasn’t already terror-stricken by the event itself, I now had to split wood with a hammer fist. In front of the Grand Master! >.<
The coincident parallel between graduation and promotion to Blackbelt demonstrates my love for martial arts. The concept of a Blackbelt is that, after gathering all basic knowledge and skills, the student must practice and hone those skills as her primary concern in addition to learning new techniques. The same applies to university graduates: everything has been acquired and must now be applied towards life in the adult- and working- worlds.
Weekly sessions at the dojang are my cure-all for stress. Exercise is said to remedy depression, and I vouch for that truth. Alas, academic conflicts often invade my dojang time.
My lost weekly work-out wasted no time revealing its impact on me. Stress overpowered me. Attacked from every corner, through every angle. At the time, it never occurred to me that stress levels increased because of the lack of routine exercise, but now I realise there are reasons I appreciate the weekly social hour.
The parallel between life and sport.
Two crucial elements make board-breaking easier than it looks: Focus and Breathing. Those two elements work well outside the dojang, particularly when juggling tasks with deadlines.
Closed your eyes, relax. Think of naught but breathing. Watch yourself calm down, and notice how your concentration magnifies.
